


Remake the World

by summerwines



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 04:10:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8431336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerwines/pseuds/summerwines
Summary: Kyungsoo only knows how to tell stories through sketches and paintings. This is the best way, he thinks, for people to know all about the fire in his hands and Park Chanyeol.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title and transition style are taken straight out of "I'll Give You The Sun" by Jandy Nelson, which I recommend for everyone to read. Though of course, you don't need to have read the book to understand this. I just thought there were a lot of similarities between Noah Sweetwine and Kyungsoo, so when I first thought of this fic, I ran with it. Enjoy!

It’s a quiet weekend in the Busan suburb when Kyungsoo and his family move in, except for the three schoolboys running in the street playing a game of tag. While the movers start to carry out the furniture from the truck, his mom lets Kyungsoo sit on a stool outside their new house, a two-story structure painted in beige, with a black roof of gloominess. Kyungsoo thinks he might want the walls repainted to a different color; he thinks that might be what he’ll ask from his parents as the gift they promised to give him in exchange for the peaceful move from Seoul to Busan. 

On his sketchpad, Kyungsoo tries to imagine what he’d like the house to look like. On one page, he had already drawn the dining room, which he envisions with a table painted in floral patterns. On another page, he drew the desk at his bedroom, simple and white with many drawers. He’d have mason jars full paintbrushes of different sizes. On the wall, he’d have a gallery of postcards, all of which hand-painted.

Kyungsoo minds his own business, attempting to draw a living room. However, he’s barely drawn the outline of a flower vase when he notices a shadow looming over him. 

“And what could this be?” comes a voice.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo’s sketchbook is out of his hands and into the hands of a boy with a big mop of hair, the tallest of the boys who were just playing tag moments ago.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo exclaims, then stands up.

“Oh wow.” The boy flips through the sketchbook, to the drawings Kyungsoo made of his dream home and to older drawings: from the portrait of his mom in her Sunday dress, to the still life drawings of fruit bowls and bouquets, to his attempted imitation of Van Gogh’s Starry Night, which he’d done using only a No. 2 pencil

“Don’t just go getting things that aren’t yours,” Kyungsoo says, as he grabs the book out of the boy’s hands.

“Okay, fine.” The boy raises his arms in surrender. He’s smiling as if he’s done nothing wrong. Then, he’s holding out a hand, introducing himself: “I’m Chanyeol,” he says. “What’s your name?”

“It’s—I don’t—“ Kyungsoo hugs his sketchbook against his chest and turns around. He wants to avoid this boy and run into the house so he won’t ever have to see him again.

“You don’t know your own name? That’s weird.”

“No!” Kyungsoo exclaims and turns back to Chanyeol. “I know what my name is.”

The boy grins. “Okay then. But for some reason you don’t want to tell me your name? That’s mean. Politeness is the flower of all humanity, don’t you know? It’s a proven fact! I heard it straight from my homeroom teacher.”

It’s rich, coming from him, seeing as he took Kyungsoo’s sketchbook so suddenly. Kyungsoo resolves to say, “I was told by mom never to talk to strangers,” which is true, though he’s only using it as an excuse to avoid making contact with this tall, nosy creature.

“I’m not a stranger,” Chanyeol argues. “I just told you: I’m Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol. I don’t live very far from here. Just a few blocks away, actually. Baekhyun though—“ He looks around. Baekhyun is probably one of the boys Chanyeol was playing with. “Baekhyun lives just a few houses away. Jongdae—that’s my other friend—lives right next to my house.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t speak, only stares. From afar, he hears shouting.

“Chanyeol! Hey, Chanyeol! You freakin’ left us!” The two other boys are running towards them.

“I’m guessing you’d like to run into your house now and avoid us? So if you want me to let you do that, can you please tell me your name?” says Chanyeol.

The two other boys are fast approaching. Kyungsoo feels like he’s going to be sick. He’s been planning on delaying the whole making friends affair for another five or six days, maybe even weeks, so he’s not at all ready for this kind of interaction.

“Kyungsoo,” he says, almost a mumble. “Do Kyungsoo.”

“Great.” The boy beams at him. He holds out his hand again and Kyungsoo accepts, giving it a firm shake. “Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo.”

“Yeah, sure. Can I go now?”

Chanyeol laughs before he says yeah, sure, Kyungsoo can go now, which Kyungsoo does quickly. He swerves past the men moving in his mother’s lamps. When he goes inside, he’s able to bypass his parents and run to what would now be his bedroom. It’s still bare, the walls all white, the furniture still waiting to be placed. Kyungsoo breathes.

He looks out his window and sees that the boys are still out there. A boy with brown hair, whose finger is pointing at Chanyeol’s chest, gives him a good berating. The other boy stands with hands on his hips, panting. Chanyeol, merely laughs about all of it. He brims with light and fire. Kyungsoo thinks the sun is shining directly on him: a call for the boy to go back to space, back where he belongs.

 

**{PORTRAIT:** _A Boy Rejoins The Solar Flares}_

 

In the first place, Kyungsoo never wanted to move here. His father’s transfer to their firm’s Busan branch meant his dad would either move out here alone or the whole family would come along with him. His mother would never agree to the former and in retrospect, Kyungsoo would not have liked living so far from his dad, so the family set their course towards Busan.

This is how Kyungsoo ends up in a new school, with new company: Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun, and Kim Jongdae. He’s pushed into their group quite quickly, right on his first day of school. It starts all because of Park Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo gets placed in Chanyeol’s class, which also happens to be Baekhyun and Jongdae’s. At first, Kyungsoo thought he might be safe, since he didn’t run into the boys when he walked to school, but then, when Kyungsoo sees the quotation posted on the classroom door, he gets a feeling of dread.

 _“Politeness is the flower of all humanity,_ ” Kyungsoo reads, remembering his first encounter with Park Chanyeol.

This would be his second encounter: Someone opens the door and it just has to be Park Chanyeol, who goes from surprised to grinning from cheek to cheek. Kyungsoo finds himself being dragged inside the classroom, his arm tightly wrung around Chanyeol’s hand. A few moments later, he gets introduced to Baekhyun and Jongdae.

“Finally someone tinier than me! We’re going to be really good friends, okay?” Baekhyun says, as he gets into Kyungsoo’s personal space and grabs his hands. Kyungsoo recognizes him as the boy who’d gotten angry at Chanyeol after he left them during their game of tag.

“And I’m Jongdae, by the way,” the other boy says, with a wave of his hand. Jongdae’s smile is soft, unlike Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s.

“Chanyeol says you live near my house? How come I never see you outside?” Baekhyun says. “Do you not go out that much?”

“I do,” Kyungsoo says, “Just—Not yet.”

“Tell him about your sketchbook, Soo!” Chanyeol butts in, suddenly hooking an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

“I really don’t think they’d be interested.”

“Of course we would!” Baekhyun says, his fingers starting to dig into Kyungsoo’s skin. “Show me what you got.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes shifts to all of them: to Baekhyun’s bright eyes, to Jongade’s soft smile, to Chanyeol’s big grin.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _Three Beagles Catch a Kitten_ }

 

With this, Kyungsoo’s life in the new town starts. All the time they have before first period is spent looking through Kyungsoo’s sketchbook, the three boys ogling at each page. Afterwards, he has to introduce himself to the class at the beckon of his teacher. Kyungsoo has barely started his introduction when Chanyeol and Baekhyun cheer like wolves. Kyungsoo blushes. Luckily, his teacher seats him away from Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Instead, he sits beside Jongdae, whom Kyungsoo likes better, since he’s considerably quieter than the other two.

Today, Kyungsoo eats lunch for the very first time under the tree near the soccer field. He eats his packed lunch—vegetables, rice, and strips of beef—quietly. Jongdae, however, is laughing his heart out, legs stretched out, as he watches Baekhyun running after Chanyeol. Chanyeol swiped the milk bun from Baekhyun’s hand when Baekhyun was about to take his first bite, inciting the chase that’s been going on for about five minutes.

“Have they always been like this?” Kyungsoo asks Jongdae.

“They sure have,” Jongdae says, his smile big as he looks at Kyungsoo.

“Aren't you going to stop them?” Kyungsoo thinks one of them might trip and fall any minute.

“Just wait,” Jongdae says. “I’m sure they’ll be tired in a few moments.”

This is true enough, as Chanyeol gives in and hands Baekhyun back the bun, though not without having a bite of his own. Jongdae explains that the three of them have been friends for ages, so this is nothing. Spats like this happen every now and then, especially between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who are both too similar for them to get along every single minute.

“Because he can’t keep his hands off my damn food!” Baekhyun says, and continues to berate Chanyeol about getting his DNA on the bun. Chanyeol laughs about this and Jongdae laughs as well. Kyungsoo smiles, the first time he’s done so today.

The rest of their lunchtime goes like this: Jongdae hooks an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Baekhyun asks Kyungsoo to move so he can lie down on Kyungsoo’s lap, curl up, and eat his bread in peace. Chanyeol, with a biscuit in his mouth, stands up and stretches, his gaze admiring the sun. Kyungsoo stares at him and wonders if it’s Chanyeol’s time to be summoned back into space.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _Prince Chanyeol and the Rising Sun_ }

 

It’s not so bad, Kyungsoo admits. The days, the weeks, and the months go by—or: three sketchbooks and seven canvass paintings later—and Kyungsoo has now fully settled. He manages to arrange his bedroom in the way he imagined it to look like, though the rest of the house is still a work in progress. Currently, he’s working on the dining room and the floral patterns on their wooden table.

He also becomes a full-fledged part of Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae’s friend group, blending in like a cat wearing dog fur. Kyungsoo turns fourteen in this town and he celebrates it with his new friends, the four of them out to eat at a local American diner, where they serve the juiciest burgers and where they give a free chocolate cake to anyone celebrating their birthday.

 

**{PORTRAIT:** _Fourteen Candles and Four Wisps of Air}_

 

When Kyungsoo blows the candle, his three friends can’t help themselves and do the same, which Kyungsoo doesn't mind, since he thinks it might strengthen the wish. He wishes things would never change and that he could be with these three boys forever, laughing about silly things like the names of the drinks at this diner. When Chanyeol starts to divide the cake among them, Kyungsoo makes a side-wish, hoping it would be allowed. He wishes Chanyeol would stop being annoying and leave some cake for the rest of them. At the same time, he also wishes for Chanyeol to keep smiling forever. Kyungsoo doesn’t know why he keeps on thinking of Chanyeol as he blows his own birthday candles, though it’s probably because Chanyeol’s invading his personal space and willing himself to be thought of. That’s how it always is.

It’s such a large thing to ask from the universe, Kyungsoo knows. But he has nothing to lose from asking.

Things do change, however, and they change quickly. For one, Chanyeol starts growing even taller. All of them do, though Kyungsoo feels he literally got the short end of the stick.

Kyungsoo starts to realize little things that never occurred to him before. For one, he never realized that he already filled a whole sketchbook with the faces of his friends and many of the pages are full of Chanyeol, some of which Chanyeol requested, some of which Kyungsoo drew just for the fun of it. One day, it actually registers to Kyungsoo how handsome Chanyeol actually is, how the smile on his face makes a lot of people want to smile back. It’s the kind of smile, Kyungsoo thinks, that rids people of their troubles.

Their bodies start to fill out, Chanyeol before anyone else. One holiday, the four of them go to the beach and Kyungsoo finds himself at an impasse to show his skin. Baekhyun immediately strips down to his shorts and runs to the waves. Jongdae does the same, though in a much slower manner. Standing in only his shorts, Chanyeol stays with Kyungsoo, as he still refuses to take off his shirt.

 

 **{SELF-PORTRAIT:** _Uptight Dork with the White Shirt and Angry Eyes_ }

 

Chanyeol puts his hands on his hips. “If you’re not going, I’m going to drag you there myself,” he says.

“I just don’t like getting sunburn on my stomach,” Kyungsoo says, wrapping his arms around himself while trying to avoid looking at Chanyeol and his long, lithe limbs.

“I saw how much sunscreen you put on yourself, Kyungsoo. You can’t fool me,” Chanyeol says, “So on the count of three, if you don’t take off that shirt and join us out there, I’ll be doing something that I know you won’t like.”

“It’s not a big deal, Chanyeol!”

“One—“

“I mean, okay, so the water looks fun. But so does the sand! We can make castles!”

“Two—“

“Whatever you’re going to do, you better stop—“

 “Three!”

In a flash, Kyungsoo is in Chanyeol’s arms, cradled and carried like a baby. He yells, telling Chanyeol to put him down but he does this to no avail. Chanyeol runs and he runs very, very fast, until all Kyungsoo can hear is the sound of the waves and the laughter of his friends.

It’s then that Kyungsoo realizes that Chanyeol’s become strong enough to carry him around, that the days of merely being dragged around by the arm are over. Kyungsoo floats on his back as his friends splash water on each other’s faces. He reserves his energy and resolves not to reprimand Chanyeol for bringing him here. Instead, he decides to look at him and how tall he’s grown. He’s become a giant, perhaps due to his kinship with one of the largest stars in the galaxy.

Later, Kyungsoo will be in his room, standing in front of an easel to start painting a beach where the figures of four boys can be seen horsing around from a distance. It will be his project for the next few days.

Right now, Kyungsoo chooses to have the time of his life, as Baekhyun forces Kyungsoo to carry him and Jongdae positions himself on Chanyeol’s back. They have a battle to see who can keep their balance the longest. Baekhyun and Jongdae try to push each other off and Kyungsoo almost drinks the seawater. Chanyeol giggles at Kyungsoo’s state the whole way through.

As people and things start to change around him, Kyungsoo decides that he will just have fun with it. He’ll deal with discomforts later. Right now, it’s all about the game (which, in retrospect, was unfair, seeing as Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have no match for Jongdae’s and Chanyeol’s bodies, both well-exercised from football, which neither Baekhyun nor Kyungsoo play).

“Thanks for making me get in the water,” Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol, later, as they sit on their beach mat alone while Jongdae and Baekhyun are buying them food.

“Oh—“ Chanyeol smiles. “Wow. You’re thanking me? That’s new.”

“What do you mean? I always thank you for stuff.”

“Like what?” Chanyeol says.

“Like—“ Kyungsoo thinks. “Like that time when—Wait, I guess that was Baekhyun. Or—Ah! Wait. There must be something.”

“See, you can’t remember any, can you?” Chanyeol says, extending his arm to hook itself around Kyungsoo’s bare shoulders.

“Well I’m thanking you now,” Kyungsoo says, bending his knees against his chest so he can hide his face. “Thank you, Chanyeol,” he continues. “Thank you for everything.”

Chanyeol drops his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and pulls Kyungsoo closer. “You’re so welcome,” Chanyeol says. “You’re very, very welcome.”

Kyungsoo feels a strange sensation in his body and realizes that it’s his heart beating very quickly. This happens quite often with Chanyeol. Kyungsoo becomes more awkward than he actually is and he has to hide his face, which can’t help but turn red. When Kyungsoo says he thanks Chanyeol for everything, he really means it. He’s never been this happy before; he’s never wanted to paint only with the brightest of colors. It dizzies him. Chanyeol’s body is warm. It dizzies him even more.

In his imagination, he sees himself and Chanyeol almost being engulfed by a tidal wave. Chanyeol stands and uses the power of the sun to stop the wave, with the sheer force of his mind. They’re safe and Chanyeol carries him to a much dryer part of the land.

“What are you thinking about?” Chanyeol asks.

“Nothing in particular,” Kyungsoo says.

Everything’s changing, Kyungsoo thinks. This change, however, might not be something he particularly minds, if it makes him this happy.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _Chanyeol Stops the Tidal Wave_ }

 

Jongdae turns fifteen on a Saturday night. There’s a party at his house and almost everyone at their school is invited. Jongdae is busy attending to the guests, trying to make sure everyone is having fun. Baekhyun is at a corner conversing with a pretty girl whose hair is dyed in blonde streaks. Chanyeol, meanwhile, is playing the electric guitar at some of the girls’ request. They sit around him and ogle at how he strums the guitar effortlessly, playing a tune from a popular drama.

Kyungsoo sits alone on the couch, drinking soda from a big plastic cup. He’s only ever comfortable talking to Jongdae, Baekhyun, or Chanyeol. Everyone else seems to think he’s a weirdo flung out of space with a pencil and a paintbrush.

“Kyungsoo-yah,” comes a voice and Kyungsoo looks up to see Baekhyun with his arm around the pretty girl he was flirting with.

The girl smiles. “I’m Seungwan,” she says. “Baekhyun and I were thinking of playing truth or dare with some of the guys. Do you wanna join?”

“It’ll be fun,” Baekhyun says, wagging his eyebrows.

“I don’t see why not,” Kyungsoo says, smiling and nodding, although in truth, he can think of many reasons why he shouldn’t join.

Kyungsoo sits with a group of boys and girls, a bottle in the middle of the circle they’ve formed. The mechanics are simple: They spin the bottle and whoever it points to has to pick between answering a very intimate question about themselves or they’ll be asked to do something outrageous in front of the group.

Baekhyun and Seungwan sit beside each other across from Kyungsoo. Jongdae joins and sits beside Baekhyun. Chanyeol is nowhere to be found. On Kyungsoo’s left sits a girl from his art class, Joohyun, who’s wearing a dress that flows to her legs. It has a floral pattern that Kyungsoo thinks he might like to decorate his house with.

“This game better liven up the party,” says Joohyun. “I’ve been having a snooze of a time. What about you?”

“Oh, me? I’m doing okay.”

“Well I notice you boys have fun doing whatever,” she says, smiling at Kyungsoo. “It’s pretty endearing.”

Before she can talk any further, Jongdae gets assigned to spin the bottle. The very first person it lands on is Baekhyun, to his apparent delight. He immediately picks a dare. Kyungsoo knows what Baekhyun hopes to do tonight and it makes him roll his eyes.

“That guy just wants to get Seungwan to kiss him,” Joohyun says. “What a creep.”

“Tell me about it,” Kyungsoo says.

In a predictable turn of events, Baekhyun does end up kissing Seungwan and Seungwan smiles into it. They get mixed reaction from the other player: some of them happy for the new couple, some of them disgusted.

The bottle is turned multiple times before it ever gets to Kyungsoo. Jongdae gets his turn first and he has to grudgingly break one of his mother’s vases. Joohyun gets a turn as well, as she spills the beans on the guy she likes, who luckily isn’t at the party: “It’s Kim Junmyeon, okay? He’s everything you could want in a guy. I mean, who _doesn’t_ like him?” Meanwhile, Seungwan chooses to do a dare and she ends up making a prank call to one of their teachers, though she giggles the whole way through it.

“Finally! It’s Kyungsoo’s turn!” Jongdae grins as he sees the bottle pointing at Kyungsoo’s direction.  
  
“So what’ll it be?” Joohyun says, patting Kyungsoo’s back.

Kyungsoo stares, glances at Joohyun once, then at Jongdae and Baekhyun. He wishes Chanyeol were here. He still hears the electric guitar from the other room and it pisses Kyungsoo off that Chanyeol isn’t here to tell him what to do.

“Truth,” Kyungsoo says, “I pick truth.” He bends his legs against his chest and sets his chin on top of his knees.

“Great,” Jongdae says. “Baekhyun, since you were the one who spun the bottle, you get to think of the question.”

Beside Baekhyun, Seungwan grins. She leans into Baekhyun’s ear, eyes swerving to Kyungsoo. She whispers something and Baekhyun listens. One second, Baekhyun is smiling and then the next second, he’s frowning.

“I don’t think that’d be a very nice question,” Baekhyun says and furrows his eyebrows at Seungwan.

“But I think everyone here’s dying to know,” Seungwan says. She turns to the people beside her, “Right?” she says, as if they all know what she’s going to ask.

Fear creeps into Kyungsoo’s bones.

“What is it? Tell me, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says and stares at Baekhyun’s startled face.

Joohyun holds Kyungsoo’s hand. “I don’t think you want to know. Seungwan, didn’t we talk about this? You’re much too nosy.”

Seungwan shakes Baekhyun’s arm. “Please, Byunnie? I’m sure Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind. I mean, it’s just a question.”

“Yes, Byunnie,” Kyungsoo says and glares at Baekhyun. “It’s just a question, right?”

“Okay—Fine.” Baekhyun swallows and hesitates. “The thing is, Soo—A lot of people have been wondering. I mean, I guess it’s because you’re newer than most of us. Though it’s also because of—Well…”

“Because of what? What are you talking about?”

“Because of the art thing.”

“The art thing? What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s nothing, really. So, right, people have wanted to ask you for a while, Soo. They’ve wanted to ask you if you were—err—how should I put it?” Baekhyun sighs. “They want to know if you’re gay, Kyungsoo.”

“What?” Kyungsoo swears that his life flashes before his eyes at that very moment.

“You don’t have to answer that, Kyungsoo,” Joohyun says. “You really don’t.”

“Yeah—“ Baekhyun scratches his head and looks away, laughing nervously. “I mean, yeah—You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It’s not really a big deal.”

Kyungsoo can feel a thousand eyes staring at him. He feels like he’s in the darkness and all around him are nothing but eyes, all with dark red irises. It’s one of the worst things a boy like him could experience. Gay? Is he gay? He doesn’t know, though for the most part, yes, he does think he is. To some extent. Though actually: he does know. He’s 100% percent sure that the answer is yes. But how is it anyone else’s business? Why do these people want to know? And what does his art have anything to do with it?

He shoots daggers at everyone, “You think I’m gay because I like drawing and painting? What kind of fucking world do you all live in?”

Gasps are heard from all over the room.

Jongdae tries to interject, “Soo, it’s really not a big deal—“

Kyungsoo raises his hands in the air, “Oh, but apparently it is, Jongdae! It is! Because _everyone’s_ been thinking about it!”

He stands and he continues to glare at everyone. In his mind, he’s able to create flames with his hands and shoot fireballs at every one of them.

Joohyun gets on her feet and holds Kyungsoo’s arm, trying to dissipate the fire. “Kyungsoo, it really doesn’t matter, okay? You don’t have to answer it.” She tries to laugh it off. “It’s just a game, right guys?”

“If everyone wants an answer, I’ll give one,” Kyungsoo says. He glances at Joohyun and sees the worry on her face. When he glances at another side of the room, he sees that Chanyeol has just entered. He’s staring at Kyungsoo, mouth half-open, eyes agape.

Seungwan speaks, her voice like an echo, “Then what’s the answer, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, tight. “Well, I think many of you will be pleased to know that yes—yes I am.”

It’s the truth. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to deny it, even though he has never really acknowledged it himself.

Once again, gasps are heard from all over the room.

Kyungsoo shoves Joohyun’s hands away from him. “Are you guys happy now?” he says. He’s trying to keep an angry face, but he already feels the tears welling up in his eyes.

This is when he runs. He pushes past everyone and runs, not wanting to see what kind of faces everyone was making, what kind of faces Baekhyun and Jongdae were making, and what kind of face Chanyeol was making. It would hurt too much for him to see. He feels like he’s drowning. The fire in his hands is out and he feels like he’s drowning.

 

 **{SELF-PORTRAIT:** _Kyungsoo Swims in a Sea of Despair_ }

 

When he’s only a block away from his house, Kyungsoo leans against a wall and starts to release his tears. This home that he thought he had already built for himself is starting to crumble before his eyes. He doesn’t know how he could ever go to school again, let alone face his friends. Kyungsoo keeps crying and keeps waiting for someone who might come, hold his hand, and tell him that it’s all going to be fine, that no one’s going to judge him, that everyone will accept him no matter who he wants to kiss.

But no one comes. He waits and waits and no one comes. It’s only him, his tears, and his shadow on the ground that remain on the street.

His bed is the only place where he wants to be right now. He feels like lying there and willing it to fly into the sky, away from everyone’s sight. Luckily, his parents are asleep, because otherwise, they’d interrogate him nonstop about the puffiness of his cheeks and the redness of his eyes.

Kyungsoo wraps himself in a blanket and tries his best not to cry anymore, though he still feels the sobs and whimpers leaving him. He keeps his cellphone in sight, waiting to see if a message from his friends will ever come.

After hours of waiting, nothing from his friends ever comes. Instead, Kyungsoo gets a text message from someone else—from Bae Joohyun, who he remembers got his number because of a group project from a month ago.

 _I’m sorry about tonight_ , it reads. _I feel really bad about it. Everyone’s been such an asshole._

Kyungsoo replies: _That’s true. And thanks._

Joohyun texts back: _If you need to talk to anyone about this that isn’t a big stupid boy, you can always call me_.

Kyungsoo sighs, _I’ll keep that in mind._

The night goes by without any more texts. Kyungsoo falls asleep soon after he replies to Joohyun.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _A Bed In the Middle of a Starry Sky_ }

 

When Kyungsoo wakes the next day, he still doesn’t receive a single word from Baekhyun, Jongdae, or Chanyeol. Because of this, Kyungsoo decides to take matters into his own hands.

 _Do you have anything to say to me, Byun?_ he texts. It’s 10 o’clock, so he’s sure that Baekhyun’s already awake.

He has to wait a few minutes before he can get a reply.

Baekhyun’s text reads: _I don’t know what to say to you, Soo. You just walked out on everyone. That wasn’t really cool._

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows, in disbelief over what he is reading. _What the fuck? So I’m suddenly the bad guy now?_

_I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that you didn’t have to make such a big deal out of it. You’re too sensitive._

Kyungsoo literally growls and he throws his phone down to the floor. “Fuck you,” he goes and proceeds to cry. He’s drowning again. He doesn’t hold back the ocean of tears that flood out of him, because it’s the only way he thinks he could be able to breathe in this situation.

When the tears have run out and his heart starts to feel numb, Kyungsoo decides to get his sketchbook. He sits at his desk and looks at his hand-painted postcards. On one, he painted the four of them in a group shot: himself, Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Chanyeol. Kyungsoo takes it and crumples it.

He can’t let this get to him, Kyungsoo thinks. None of them are worth it if they’re going to treat him like this. It’s time to open another page.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _A_ _Flood Subsides_ }

 

When school comes on Monday, Kyungsoo finds the strength not to care about the gazes that follow him in the hallways and he finds that he can bear with the fact that his friends aren’t talking to him – that Jongdae and Baekhyun can’t look him in the eye, that Chanyeol hasn’t even tried to say a word to him.

In truth, he’s proud of himself for taking this risk, despite the possibility that people might call him names or maybe even beat him up. Kyungsoo thinks he can take anything now. He no longer has anything to hide nor anything to lose.

Though he has to admit, as the weeks go by, he’s very much grateful that no one has said a word about him coming out at Jongdae’s party. With the exception of Joohyun, with whom Kyungsoo now spends most of his time with, no one ever tries to talk to him at all unless it’s very much needed for schoolwork or any sort of class activity.

He meets Chanyeol’s eyes a few times. He meets it once during an English test, though very quickly. Kyungsoo looks at the wall clock then he shifts his gaze towards Chanyeol, whom he notices is looking. When Kyungsoo realizes this, he looks away.

When Kyungsoo drops his lunch bag in the hallway, it’s Chanyeol who picks it up and their eyes meet for a good minute.

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says, nodding.

Chanyeol smiles. “Anytime,” he says.

After this, Kyungsoo walks off and he leans against a wall to breathe. Chanyeol doesn’t have the right to be nice. Kyungsoo hates him now. He has to. They didn’t even bother sending him message. How could he ever talk to them ever again?

“They just don’t understand people like us,” Joohyun says, while they sit side by side in the art room, each with a painting in front of them to accomplish.

“What do you mean, _like us_? I’m the gay one here.”

“You see, Kyungsoo,” she says, as she affixes a pseudonym at the corner of her painting— _Irene_. “I’m the girl that no one likes around here. The girl that wears weird clothes, does art, and reads European classics for fun. Have you _tried_ being that girl, Soo? No? I thought so.”

“Point taken,” Kyungsoo says, as he gives his painting of a Gothic mansion a few more strokes of black.

“That’s nice,” Joohyun says. Her hair is all messy, with dried up paint on the ends of many strands. Kyungsoo notices the earrings she wears – golden roses. It makes her look magical.

“I think it fits my mood,” Kyungsoo says.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _A House of Horrors and Misery_ }

 

“I think it’s wonderful, Soo,” Joohyun says. “Much better than my ritual of witches.”

“I think your piece is great,” Kyungsoo says.

“You really think so?” Joohyun beams at him. Kyungsoo misses this: just being with friends to talk with them and smile at them, sharing all the love he has in his heart.

“I know so,” Kyungsoo says.

Sometimes, Kyungsoo wants to ask if Joohyun would want to run away with him, to grab his hand and run through beaches and forests. He wants to know how far they would need to go to escape their horrors and miseries. Though he also imagines that time would go by and Joohyun would get tired and fly away, alone, on her broomstick.

 

{ **PORTRAIT:** _The Witch in the Floral Dress}_

A week later, Kyungsoo celebrates his fifteenth birthday and Kyungsoo’s parents bake him a cake at home. They’ve been at work the whole day despite the weekend so tonight is the only time they can show just how worried they are for him, especially since his friends never come over anymore. Kyungsoo senses this as they dote on him, his dad taking his arm to have him sit at their dining table, which Kyungsoo already painted with a variety of patterns. He’s painted much of the dining room, actually. The pantry and cupboards are all yellow; each of it is labeled in neat calligraphy.

“When will we see that Chanyeol boy again?” his mom says. Kyungsoo knows his mom has always been fond of Chanyeol. He understands. Anyone could fall for Chanyeol’s stupid smile.

Kyungsoo avoids the question and goes to the subject of school. Or rather, he talks about his prospects after the ninth grade and a possible transfer of school.

“There’s this great art school in Seoul,” he says, eating the piece of cake laid out for him. “You know Soo-Man’s School for Music and the Arts? I was wondering if I could start tenth grade there.”

“And live so far away from us? That’s out of the question,” his mother says.

His mom sets down a piece of cake for Kyungsoo’s dad. Kyungsoo looks at him and asks, “What do you think dad? You think I could try out?”

“Art school? Hmm. I think that’s a great idea,” he says.

“Minsoo!”

“What? I think it’s high time we let our son do a few things on his own, Sumi,” he says.

“But we can’t just let him move away, Minsoo.”

“I can manage, mom. I swear.” Kyungsoo looks at his mom and tries on the big, puppy eyes that always used to work when he was younger His mother pauses and looks at him worriedly.

His dad asks, “What do you need to do to get in?" 

“I need to submit an application for and a portfolio. And they’re holding interviews this February.”

His mother sits down and sighs. “If you’re really going to do this, son, then you better get to work.”

“All my life, mom,” he says, resting a hand on his mother’s.

“You know I love you, my dear,” she says, brushing her fingers against Kyungsoo’s hair. “So I can’t stop you from doing what you want. But I hope you’re being careful. And I hope you’re not using this as a way to run from something.”

“I’m not, mom.” Though he kind of is.

“Are you sure?” she says.

“Positive.” He smiles.

This seems to calm his mother’s nerves. For the rest of the celebration, they talk more about TV dramas and all the pop idols his mother loves. His dad hums in agreement to everything his mother says. Kyungsoo spaces out in the middle of the conversation and thinks of all the possibilities as he eats his birthday cake on the day he turns fifteen.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _A Gallery of Cakes and Flowers_ }

 

When Kyungsoo goes back to his room, he immediately hears his phone vibrate, signaling a message. It says he has one new email. Kyungsoo checks to see from whom it is and he is stunned to see the impossible come into fruition.

 

To: [dokynsoo75@naver.com](mailto:dokynsoo75@naver.com)

From: [pcy101123@naver.com](mailto:pcy101123@naver.com)

Subject: A Very Special Day

 

_I found this really good quote for you. It’s from Dr. Seuss:_

_“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!”_  

_(Happy birthday, Kyungsoo. You’ll always be my tiny bean. Stay tiny. Forever. I mean it.)_

_Sincerely,_

_Park Chanyeol_

Kyungsoo reads it over and over again. He can’t help the blush that rushes to his cheeks. He almost types a reply in warp speed but he notices that Chanyeol’s already sent another message.

 

To: [dokynsoo75@naver.com](mailto:dokynsoo75@naver.com)

From: [pcy101123@naver.com](mailto:pcy101123@naver.com)

Subject: Re: A Very Special Day

 

_I really hope you read this on time. And I hope you take it to heart._

_Also, would it be too much to ask if I could come see you today? Just for a little bit, maybe?_

 

_Yours,_

_Chanyeol_

 

Kyungsoo almost wants to type: Yes, please, come over, right now, right this minute. But he manages to hold back. He hasn’t realized just how much he misses talking to Chanyeol after all these weeks. After all, they were peas in a pod up until the incident at the party. His memories with Chanyeol are still very much raw.

 

To: [pcy101123@naver.com](mailto:pcy101123@naver.com)

From: [dokynsoo75@naver.com](mailto:dokynsoo75@naver.com)

Subject: Re: A Very Special Day 

_I don’t think I’d mind if you came over. I know my mom wouldn’t._

\- _Kyungsoo_

 

He waits for another reply. He thinks he might’ve been waiting for this for weeks: for Chanyeol to reply, for Chanyeol to come looking for him.

Unlike that horrible night weeks ago, a message does arrive this time. Kyungsoo reads it, knowing there won’t be much written on it, just a confirmation, but he stares at it and reads it over and over again nonetheless:

 

To: [dokynsoo75@naver.com](mailto:dokynsoo75@naver.com)

From: [pcy101123@naver.com](mailto:pcy101123@naver.com)

Subject: Re: A Very Special Day

_Give me 5 minutes. I’m coming._

\- _Chanyeol_

**{SELF-PORTRAIT:** _Kyungsoo Stars in Tightrope Act_ }

 

Chanyeol’s being welcomed into the house a few minutes later and Kyungsoo stays in his room. He saw Chanyeol standing outside, looking so afraid to enter Kyungsoo’s house. The fireballs in Kyungsoo’s hands are acting up again and he wipes his hands on his shirt, in an attempt to make the heat go away. When his mother welcomes him inside, Kyungsoo decides to pretend to sleep and face the wall. He doesn’t know what to do yet, nor does he know what he should say when he and Chanyeol come face to face again.

Kyungsoo hears the creak of his bedroom door and knows immediately that it’s Chanyeol walking inside. He feels Chanyeol sitting down on his bed. The warm air around him feels familiar and it’s almost unbearable to feel it in the intimacy of his bedroom.

Fingers run through Kyungsoo’s hair.

“I know you’re not asleep, Soo,” comes Chanyeol’s voice, mellow and deep. “I was just messaging you ten minutes ago.”

Kyungsoo turns his body so he can look up at Chanyeol.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo says.

“Hello,” Chanyeol says, his smile big, his fingers warm on Kyungsoo’s head.

Chanyeol is wearing a black hoodie and black eyeliner. At this, Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Kyungsoo says, in a smirk.

“Oh, you didn’t know? I’m in a band now,” Chanyeol says and Kyungsoo wonders just how much he missed in the weeks he hasn’t been around his former best friends.

“It looks weird.” Kyungsoo sits up. “But I like it.” He smiles.

They sit there without saying a word for a few moments, the smiles on their faces unending.

“How’s Joohyun?” Chanyeol asks.

“Oh, she’s fine,” Kyungsoo says. “She gave me a box of oil paint for my birthday, so I think I’ll love her forever.”

“Really now?” Chanyeol starts to take something out of his hoodie. It’s a small box wrapped in birthday prints. Chanyeol places it on Kyungsoo’s hand. “Open this and tell me who you love more,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo does as he’s told. Inside the gift wrapper, he finds a transparent box. Inside it, there’s a watch. You can’t see the clock right away because it’s covered. On the cover, Kyungsoo sees his full name engraved in script. Kyungsoo smiles, opens the box further so he can take out the watch to try it on.

When Kyungsoo opens the cover, he sees that instead of a white background, the clock has Van Gogh’s Starry Night.

“Do you like it?” Chanyeol asks.

“I love it,” Kyungsoo says, still staring at the watch, as it fits perfectly on his wrist. “How much of your allowance did you use for this?”

“Unimportant,” Chanyeol says. “What’s important is that you like it. And that you love me more than Joohyun.”

Kyungsoo feels a flush on his cheeks. He knows what Chanyeol means by _love_. He knows it’s not the same as what Kyungsoo feels, but it feels good hearing him say it nevertheless.

“Of course I love you more,” Kyungsoo says, in a soft voice. He still cannot manage to look Chanyeol in the eye for more than a second. If he does, he thinks cartoon hearts would pop out of his eyes and reveal his true feelings.

“You haven’t been talking to us, Soo,” Chanyeol says. “I kinda—Well not just kinda—I really miss having you around.”

“It’s you that hasn’t been talking to _me,_ Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, though he doesn’t want to make a fuss about it, not now, so he goes on to say, “But you’re here now, aren’t you? So let’s talk about other things, okay?”

“Right,” he says. “Can I lie down for a bit? It’s been a long day. I was performing at a fair with—well, with my band.”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says, “And tell me about this band.”

They lie down together, arms brushing against each other. Chanyeol talks about how he’s been attending music class every weekend for months without telling anyone and that he and his friends from the class grouped themselves together to form a band. “I’m the lead singer,” Chanyeol says, “Though we’re all pretty good singers, if you ask me. Yixing’s pretty good. I guess I just have more charisma than the others.”

“Very humble,” Kyungsoo laughs.

“King of humility,” Chanyeol exclaims.

“Totally,” says Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol says it was their very first gig as a band today. They were pretty nervous, since he and his bandmates were all very young and the other participants at the fair were mostly adults.

“Must have been awful,” Kyungsoo says.

“No, it was pretty great actually,” Chanyeol says. “All the other bands were kind of shit.”

“You’re just full of humility today, aren’t you?”

“Like I said, I’m the king!”

The both of them laugh their hearts out. He can imagine Chanyeol standing on the stage, playing his guitar, singing, and floating with the stars. His heart beats at the thought of it. Kyungsoo checks his new watch and sees that it’s already half-past ten. He wonders if Chanyeol plans to stay the night, because he wouldn’t say no to sleeping next to this much warmth.

“Why did we ever think it’d be a good idea to stop this?” Chanyeol says.

“Stop what?” Kyungsoo asks.

“This. All of this. You and me. Our friendship,” Chanyeol says. “It’s way too good to waste over some rumor.”

“Rumor? What rumor?” Kyungsoo knows exactly what Chanyeol is talking about, but the term confuses him. Why would Chanyeol call it a rumor?

“I’m sure you know, Kyungsoo. The rumor that you’re—you know—“

“Gay?”

“Yeah, that.”

Kyungsoo sits up. “You talk about it as if you didn’t see me admit everything to a crowd of people,” he says.

“Because it’s not true, right?” Chanyeol sits up with him. He cards his finger’s through Kyungsoo’s hair and somehow, this makes Kyungsoo angry instead of warm. The fireballs are coming back. “I mean, you’re Kyungsoo. I don’t think you even _have_ a sexuality.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“What it means is that I think it’s ridiculous that Baekhyun forced us to avoid you just because of that stupid rumor,” he says. “And now, I’m trying to make things right.”

“Chanyeol, I don’t think you understand what I said that night.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. It was a rough night; you were being cornered. Hell, I would’ve said the same thing if I were you.”

“No you wouldn’t have,” Kyungsoo says. “You wouldn’t have said it if it weren’t true.”

“Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t have. But that’s beside the point.”

Kyungsoo really wants to cry right now. He knew Chanyeol had some form of discomfort from all this, but he didn’t think he’d have to think of such ridiculous excuses just so he can face Kyungsoo. He feels insulted. He feels like he’s going to be sick.

He bites his lip and turns away from Chanyeol. A tear drops from his eye. “God,” he says, “Goddammit, Chanyeol.” There’s no way he can stop what’s coming.

“What’s wrong, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol draws nearer to him and rests his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“I just—I thought you were my friend. But now I know it’s all been a big fat farce,” he says and covers his eyes, unable to stop the tears that keep coming.

“What the hell are you talking about, Kyungsoo? Of course I’m your friend. Of course I am.”

“But you’re denying the truth, Chanyeol. You’re trying to make it seem like nothing happened, but that’s not true. You guys fucking hurt me.”

“Okay, okay, please stop crying, Kyungsoo. I’m not good at this. I can’t—Just smile, please?”

“You didn’t even call, Chanyeol. You didn’t even send me a message. You just cut me out.” The sobs are unrelenting and his words can no longer be controlled.

“I wanted to! I really did! But Baekhyun—“

“Baekhyun this, Baekhyun that. If you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve!”

“I could say the same for you.”

Kyungsoo looks at him, his cheeks now wet with tears. “Really? Are you really trying to say that I should’ve walked up to you, and what, _apologized_? Am _I_ the asshole who keeps avoiding his friend?”

“I didn’t mean it that way, Kyungsoo.”

“Then what do you mean, Chanyeol? What? Why can’t you accept the fact that your friend doesn’t like kissing girls and wants to kiss other boys instead? Is it that so hard to stomach?”

“No, it’s not—It’s just—I thought you wanted me to ignore it! I thought you would’ve wanted that.”

“Well you thought wrong, Chanyeol.”

“Okay, okay,” Chanyeol says. “It’s fine.” He takes both of Kyungsoo’s hands and holds them together. “Everything’s okay. We’re friends, Kyungsoo. Nothing’s going to change that, okay? I don’t care if you’re gay, or straight, or if you have some kind of alien sexuality in you. You’re my friend. My best friend, even.”

Kyungsoo sniffles. The look in Chanyeol’s eyes tells him he’s sincere.

“I’m your best friend?” he asks.

“Of course you are.” Chanyeol smiles. “I’m the first boy to ever find you in this town. I have exclusive rights to you.”

At this, Kyungsoo has to bite back a smile. The fire in his hands disappears.

“So let’s stop crying now, okay? We’ve gone through way too much. No more fighting. I don’t care what Baekhyun says.”

Kyungsoo really loves Chanyeol. He really, really loves him.

“You’re such a sap,” is what comes out.

“I know I am and don’t deny that you love me because of it,” he says and really, he just took the words out of Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“I won’t,” Kyungsoo says, hoping that’s enough of a reply, so Chanyeol could understand, even just a bit.

Chanyeol hugs Kyungsoo this time. Kyungsoo melts into it. Chanyeol keeps up the hug until they both lie down. Kyungsoo turns his back and Chanyeol wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s stomach. His nose is at Kyungsoo’s shoulder. His warmth radiates all over Kyungsoo’s body.

Kyungsoo thinks he might never want to wake up again. All he can think about in his dreams in _Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol,_ who’s ruined him for all eternity. Everything keeps changing, Kyungsoo thinks, and Kyungsoo never wants it to be the same ever again, not when he’s admitted to himself something so important: He loves Chanyeol, more than the sun, more than all the colors in this world.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _Bits and Pieces of Red, Possibly a Heart_ }

 

When Kyungsoo wakes up, he sees Chanyeol’s handsome, sleeping face, and Kyungsoo can’t help placing a soft kiss on Chanyeol’s forehead.

Kyungsoo sits at his desk while Chanyeol remains asleep on the bed. He opens one of his drawers to bring out the application form to the art school in Seoul. The night before has only made his decision even firmer: He’s going to leave. No matter how much he and Chanyeol try hard to fix things, things won’t ever be the same ever again and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to handle that. So, he’d much rather be sent away.

He writes on the form and affixes his signature. Inside an envelope, Kyungsoo seals it and sets it down on the table. As soon as he finishes making his portfolio, Kyungsoo will mail the form immediately.

After putting the form back into the drawer, Kyungsoo returns to bed. He turns his back on Chanyeol and wishes that Chanyeol would hold him again. He hears Chanyeol groaning and shifting, until finally, Kyungsoo gets his wish. Being held this way makes him feel so good. He doesn’t know how to describe the feeling.

It’s almost lunchtime when Kyungsoo and Chanyeol rise from the bed. Chanyeol asks if he could take a shower in Kyungsoo’s bathroom and Kyungsoo lets him. Chanyeol throws his hoodie onto Kyungsoo’s bed and he walks out of the bedroom to go to the shower.

While he’s out, Kyungsoo scrambles to look for his phone. He finds it under the blankets. Immediately, he unlocks it so he can call Joohyun, hoping she might have something to say about the issue at hand.

“Joohyun, hey. It’s Kyungsoo.”

“Oh, hi,” she says. “You caught me at a really good time, Soo. My sister and I are having a pedicure downtown. Do you want to join us?”

“What? No. I need to tell you something, Joo,” he says.

“What is it? Have you been kidnapped? Are you calling from the kidnappers house?”

“Kind of. Wait, no! I’m not. I haven’t been kidnapped. I’m here at home and Chanyeol’s here too.”

“Oh, wow. That’s good then. You guys made up?”

“Yeah. We did. But, Joo, I kind of slept with him and I don’t know what to do.”

“Kyungsoo! We’re too young for that!”

“I don’t mean it that way. I literally just slept with him, as in I slept right beside him. Not in a gay way.”

“Maybe not for him, but it sounds like it’s a bit different for you, Kyungsoo.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says. “It was. And I love him.”

“You what?”

“You heard me,” Kyungsoo continues. “I love my best friend and I don’t know what to do!”

“I thought Jongdae was your best friend.”

“He is! But so is Chanyeol!”

“And I thought _I’m_ your best friend now.”

“You are! But—“

“So is Chanyeol. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Okay, Kyungsoo. I’m guessing he’s about to leave?”

“No he isn’t. He’s in the bathroom. Taking a shower.”

“Okay—Okay, umm—I don’t know why you thought I’d have a solution to this. I’m just as clueless as you are.”

“You’re not helping me, Joohyun.”

“I know I’m not helping. I just said so! But please, Kyungsoo, you have to calm down. Think this through. Think if keeping all these feelings will be worth it.”

“Okay. How do I do that?”

“First: Does Chanyeol love you back?” she asks.

Kyungsoo mulls it over, thinks about every little detail, thinks about Chanyeol calling him his best friend. “Not in the way I do,” he says.

“Okay,” she continues. “Do you think there’s any chance that he _could_ love you back?”

Again, he mulls it over. Something inside him tells him that it’s impossible. “No, I don’t think so. Not in a million years,” he says.

“That settles it,” Joohyun says.

“What? So what should I do now?”

“You should act normal. And then, in a few months, you don’t have to worry about him anymore. Because you, my friend, are moving to Seoul."

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nods. “That’s right.” 

“And there’s nothing that’s going to stop you.”

“Yeah,” he says. “There isn’t.”

“So you’re okay now, Soo? If so, I’m hanging up,” she says.

“Right. Fine,” Kyungsoo says, before the line dies and Joohyun’s voice is gone.

Just then, Chanyeol gets back into the room, still in the same clothes, but with a towel around his neck. His hair is wet and it makes him even more attractive. His smile is wide when he sees Kyungsoo staring. Kyungsoo just wants to stay here, fall to his knees, and look at him forever.

 

{ **PORTRAIT:** _The Sun Prince Bathes in Light_ }

 

Whatever’s bad for the heart indeed is good for the art.

Kyungsoo has never been this inspired before. When Chanyeol goes home, Kyungsoo gets to spend the rest of his weekend with his paintings. Kyungsoo tries to refine a painting he did recently with Joohyun as the model. He lets out whatever pain is left in him through the redness of her dress and the darkness of the sky. Kyungsoo thinks he might divide his portfolio by emotion: joy, for the times when he was ecstatic with friendship; and sorrow, for the times when he thought there was no one left to care.

If he spends enough time revisiting his work and choosing which ones should be shared and boasted, he thinks he might get himself a guaranteed entrance into the Soo-Man School for Music and the Arts.

When Monday rolls in, things don’t go back to the way it was before. Baekhyun still won’t look at him with the same bright eyes that Kyungsoo admired so much. Jongdae still won’t give him that soft smile that makes him feel calm and cozy. He knows Chanyeol will talk to him but Kyungsoo never stays in the classroom long enough for Chanyeol to have the opportunity. He never looks; he only runs.

The cold of January starts to fade and February starts to roll in. It’s the last two weeks of school. Kyungsoo has already turned in his application form and portfolio. He can’t help feeling confident that he’ll get in. As he waits, Joohyun cheers him on every day, keeping his spirits up. His parents have been preparing for the coming interview, sitting him down and prepping him on possible questions, making sure his head isn’t blank with anxiety when he has to speak.

Always, when he’s caught looking sad at home as he works on a project, his mother holds his cheek and tells him that he’s much too young to be looking so sad. He agrees wholeheartedly. He’s only fifteen, still about to finish the ninth grade. He still has the whole world to explore.

All he has to do now is bear with this town for a few weeks. The representative from Soo-Man will arrive at Busan in a few days and all the applicants will have the interview, then learn their fate soon after. In an attempt to avoid Chanyeol until the time he has to leave, Kyungsoo has been walking to school early. Today, on a Thursday, he does the same and unfortunately, so does Chanyeol.

“Hey, Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol shouts from a distance.

Kyungsoo doesn’t turn around. Instead, after a quick pause, he starts to walk faster.

“Don’t you dare avoid me! I know you can hear me!”

Kyungsoo hears Chanyeol’s footsteps now and he tries to walk even more briskly. He doesn’t expect to escape him but at the very least, he wants to delay things.

“Hey!” Chanyeol says, before he’s able to grab Kyungsoo’s arm and make him stop walking.

Kyungsoo is turned around and made to face him.

“What?” Kyungsoo goes.

“What do you mean? You’ve been avoiding me, Kyungsoo. After that night, I thought we’d be okay, but apparently things have gotten even worse. What the hell did I even do?”

“Nothing. You did nothing,” Kyungsoo says, matter-of-fact.

“Don’t you remember what I told you? We can’t just waste our friendship like this,” Chanyeol says and sets his hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “So please, tell me what I should do to make this better.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to tell me what’s wrong. I get why you don’t want to talk to Baekhyun or Jongdae. But this is me. It’s Chanyeol. Can’t you talk to me?”

“I—“ He meets Chanyeol’s eyes, all worried and teary. “I don’t—Chanyeol, there’s nothing you can do. It’s all pointless now.”

“Why? Why is it pointless?”

“Because I’m leaving.”

Chanyeol’s eyebrows go up. “What? What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“I’m leaving. I’m going away. I have an interview this Saturday, for an art school in Seoul.”

“In—In Seoul?” Chanyeol’s hands fall to his sides. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn't think it would matter to you.”

“Of course it matters to me!” Chanyeol’s shouting now. “You idiot!” He drops to the ground, knees bent, face in a trance.

“Okay, I’m sorry. But it’s happening, okay? They haven’t actually accepted me yet, but I think they will. I hope they will. I worked really hard for this, Chanyeol.”

“Wow,” Chanyeol stares at a distance. “I can’t believe this.”

“Nothing’s been the same anymore, Chanyeol. I think it’s about time we spare ourselves from all the discomfort and just go our separate ways.”

“But I don’t want that.” Chanyeol glances up at him. “You’re my best friend, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo decides to sit on the ground with him. For once, he tries his best not to escape from Chanyeol’s gaze.

“We’re going to get our pants dirty if we sit here too long,” Kyungsoo says, swatting off some dirt that he sees on Chanyeol’s knee.

“Stop avoiding the issue,” Chanyeol says. “Can you just tell me the truth, Kyungsoo? Why don’t you want to be my friend anymore?”

“Because I can’t,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“Because. Just because.”

“Because what?”

Kyungsoo swallows his pride and says it: “Because I love you too much. That’s why it’s impossible.”

Chanyeol looks at him with sad eyes. “But shouldn’t that make you want to stay?” he says.

“Don’t you understand what I just said? Whatever I feel for you, Chanyeol, it’s different from what a friend would normally feel.”

“What makes you think I don’t know that?”

“You clearly don’t.”

“But I do.” Chanyeol moves so he’s right beside Kyungsoo, attached to him. He looks around, then looks back directly at Kyungsoo’s eyes. “I know that very well. And it’s been killing me just as much as it’s been killing you.”

Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo’s hand and holds it tight. Then, he leans in so their foreheads are touching. Chanyeol’s breath is incredibly hot; it makes Kyungsoo’s cheeks flush red. It’s six in the morning and no one is in the street but them. It’s six in the morning and all Kyungsoo can hear are the birds chirping, the leaves of the trees rustling.

 

 **{SELF-PORTRAIT:** _Kyungsoo Bursts Into Flames_ }

 

One moment, Chanyeol’s lips are on Kyungsoo cheek and in the next moment, it’s on Kyungsoo’s lips, kissing him softly.

Kyungsoo’s first instinct is to kiss him back, trying to be just as soft and gentle as Chanyeol. He grabs Chanyeol’s shirt and Chanyeol puts a hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek. They kiss and Chanyeol bites Kyungsoo’s lips. When Kyungsoo whimpers, Chanyeol smiles and plants another kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek.

When they separate, Chanyeol broods and licks his lips, as if Kyungsoo’s lips were today’s much awaited dessert.

“You taste nice,” Chanyeol says and Kyungsoo hugs him, nuzzles his head against Chanyeol’s neck and indulges at the smell of him.

“You’re awful,” Kyungsoo mumbles.

Chanyeol hugs him back, his hands a comfort against Kyungsoo’s body. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Chanyeol says.

“Then why didn’t you?”

“I’ve been afraid,” he says. “You know how people are.”

“Yes, I do,” Kyungsoo says. “But that doesn’t make me any less angry at you.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

When Chanyeol says this, they hear a noise, which makes both of them scramble to get on their feet. When they learn it’s just a dog running past them, they look at each other and laugh.

Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo’s hands and caresses his fingers lightly. “So are you still leaving?” he asks.

“It’s a bit unfair to ask me that question after kissing me like that.”

“If I do it again, will you stay?”

“Nah,” Kyungsoo says, smiling. “It’ll take a bit more than that.” 

They meet each other’s eyes and very quickly, Kyungsoo plants a kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek.

“Let’s go to school?” Kyungsoo says.

“Sure, anything,” Chanyeol replies.

“Anything? Really? I’ll hold you to that,” Kyungsoo says.

“Yes, of course—“ He pauses, smiles. “Anything.”

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _Pink Footprints on a Street_ }

At lunch that day, Chanyeol drags Kyungsoo out of the classroom and makes him sit down under their tree by the soccer field. Baekhyun is also there, back against the trunk, eyes avoiding Kyungsoo’s. Jongdae, meanwhile, brightens when he sees Kyungsoo coming to eat with them.

“I’m glad you’re here, Soo,” Jongdae says.

“So here’s how it will go,” Chanyeol says, sitting down with his arm hooked around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “You, Baekhyun, are going to apologize to Kyungsoo and say that you’ve been wrong all this time and that you’re sorry for being a jerk.”

Baekhyun frowns at Chanyeol’s instruction. “Fat chance,” he says.

“Yeah, Chanyeol, I don’t think this is a good idea.

“Shush, Kyungsoo,” he goes and turns back to Baekhyun. “Byunnie. Tell him you’re sorry. _Now_.”

“Yeah, c’mon, Baekhyun, Look, it’s easy.” Jongdae faces Kyungsoo and crouches down to bow. “I can’t even explain how sorry I am. I’ve been a jerk to you and I feel really bad, especially since it was _my_ party that ruined everything. So I’m sorry. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“It’s okay, Jongdae. You don’t need to say anything more,” Kyungsoo says, in a smile.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol goes. “It’s your turn now.”

Jongdae, still bowed down, hits Baekhyun’s leg with a slap.

“Hey!” Baekhyun says. “That hurt,” he grumbles.

“I know something that might hurt just a bit more if you don’t apologize, Byun,” Chanyeol says.

“Chanyeol, stop it. I don’t want any half-hearted apologies. If he doesn’t want to say he’s sorry, it’s okay.” Kyungsoo turns to Baekhyun and nods. “It’s okay, Baekhyun. I understand.”

Baekhyun looks startled at this. He looks away. “The thing is, Kyungsoo, I do owe you an apology.”

“Then why don’t you just—“

“Shush, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo interrupts.

“But I can’t say it,” Baekhyun says. “Don’t you have those moments when you feel like you’ve been such a huge asshole that any kind of apology wouldn’t seem like enough? So instead, you just—Continue being an asshole. Because it’s easier.”

Jongdae sits up and cocks an eyebrow. “That’s a lame excuse, Byun,” he says.

“So are you saying you’re sorry or what?” Chanyeol says.

“Yes. Yes I am, okay? I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass. I thought me being an ass would impress—you know— _her_. Seungwa. But it didn’t really work out with her anyway. Because I was an ass. And she pointed out to me that I care too much about myself, which I now think is true. Hell, don’t _you guys_ think it’s true? I sure do.”

“Kind of,” Jongdae says.

“Yup, I agree,” Chanyeol says.

“Maybe just a bit,” Kyungsoo says.

“Okay, wow, and I thought you guys were going to try to comfort me. Whatever. I guess I deserve it.” He sighs.

“Great!” Chanyeol says. “Kyungsoo, give him a hug.”

“What? No.”

“I said give him a hug, Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol makes both of them stand up and give each other an awkward hug. It lasts for a minute before they separate and Kyungsoo sees Baekhyun’s bright eyes again, warm and happy to see him.

Immediately, Chanyeol tackles both of them and hooks his arms around their shoulders. Jongdae joins them, his arm around Kyungsoo. He’s laughing and Kyungsoo laughs with him, happy that they’re all together again.

 

 **{PORTRAIT:** _The Sheltering Tree_ }

 

“So does this mean Kyungsoo will introduce me to his gal pal now?” Baekhyun says.

“Gal pal? What? You mean Joohyun?”

“Yeah, I mean Joohyun.”

“Dude, she’s way out of your league,” Jongdae says.

“No she isn’t. I’m handsome and charming. Why wouldn’t she like me?”

“I can think of thirty, maybe fifty reasons,” Chanyeol says.

“Fuck you guys,” says Baekhyun.

It ends up being a good day. Chanyeol makes sure that they have nothing but a laugh for the rest of it, as he gathers them all together at every chance he gets: during breaks, after school to grab a snack, in the evening at Jongdae’s house. Kyungsoo doesn’t mind. When he tells Joohyun about it over the phone, she’s happy for him and tells him to go and be happy while he’s still here. Kyungsoo will.

The heart of the matter is this: Kyungsoo knows things will continue to change and some of it will be good; some of it he will have to learn to live with. Things between him and all his friends won’t ever be the same. But Chanyeol is there to hold his hand the whole way through it and Kyungsoo lets him hold it, to remind him that all of this is real.

“Are you still going to leave?” Chanyeol asks, softly, while they’re playing video games at Jongdae’s house.

“I probably will,” Kyungsoo says. He looks at Chanyeol to smile. “But we can work something out, can’t we?”

Chanyeol smiles back at him. “Yeah,” he says, holding Kyungsoo’s hand more firmly. “For sure. Anything.”

 

**the end.**

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lc_sweetwine) | [Tumblr](http://fantasticmrlc.tumblr.com/)


End file.
